Peace Of Mind

It had been a while since I felt the need to stand up for myself but recent events required me to employ this very important skill. Standing up for yourself isn’t always easy but I was surprised at how quickly the muscle memory came back. There are so many issues at play when deciding if you’re going to stand up for yourself or interrupt an aggression towards you. I think the main reason people don’t speak up for themselves is fear and a close second is that they don’t know how to speak up for themselves. Fear is very real and valid but it’s also structurally unsound. Once you start knocking on its walls you can feel them wobble. 

Before I decided to stand up for myself and address the negative behaviors that were directed toward me I found myself weighing the pros and cons of saying something. It’s a lot harder to say something if you need something from the person exhibiting the crap behavior. It’s a lot harder to do something if the person is in a position of power over you. It’s harder to say something if saying something could result in you being further harmed or there’s a possibility of retribution. Luckily for me, I didn’t need anything from this person, they have absolutely no power over me and any kind of retribution they may have attempted would have been quickly snuffed out.

For me, the reason I decided to say something was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn’t. I didn’t want to live with the feeling that I should have said something or done something so I wrote a long email to the offender and I made sure all of the people I felt needed to read it were included. The moment I hit send I could feel my entire body relax. I doubt anything will come of it but I feel whole and I have peace of mind and that is all that really matters.