I Am Not A Shark

If you don’t listen to your body and your mind then they will take over. I am someone who likes to stay busy. If I’m not “working on work” then I’m creating more work for myself to do. I know that we’ve been in a pandemic for the past two plus years but things didn’t really slow down for me at all. I was lucky enough to keep my job and since I work with students and families the need only got greater. My creative life changed because live performances went away completely, but I just found new ways to scratch my creative itches. And so this is how I have been living in the world. I say “yes” a lot. I could hear my body and my mind telling me to slow down but I kept saying yes. The world literally changed. We all had to change how we do what we do and I kept going full steam ahead…ignoring my own intuition to slow down, to stop. 

A huge red flag was when I stopped writing. I try to write something, anything really, at least every other day. Even if it’s just a paragraph in a notebook or an interesting idea on my phone's notes application. About three months ago I stopped writing completely and then almost four weeks ago I got sick. And not just “cough and sniffles” sickness, but “I had to take eight covid tests” kind of sick. All negative, but I felt horrible for over a week. If I wasn’t going to listen to my body then it was going to force me to stop. I’m still a little bit congested as I write this but I am definitely feeling better. I had just started going back to the gym when four days ago I hurt my back pretty badly, so bad in fact that I couldn’t sleep for 48 hours due to the pain. So just when I was preparing to start back up at 100 miles an hour my body hit the brakes again. 

I don’t know if you have ever hurt your back but you use it for pretty much everything. Breathing hurts! It’s awful and I am just now able to bend over somewhat and sleep through the night. You need your back and I am thankful for that reminder. How many times do we think about the things that just work? I rarely do and I definitely take that for granted. This forced slow down has not been easy. To be honest, it sucks, and yet I find that I am thankful. My back will heal. My cough will go away. I will be okay. I will also be okay if I slow down sometimes. If I say “no” a little bit more. I don’t need to “always be doing something.” I’m not a shark so I won’t die if I stop moving. Stillness is definitely something I will continue to work on and I invite anyone who feels the same to join me.